If you are attempting to dive into this one may I suggest a warm mug of tea or a pint of your choice and a very comfy place to rest your bones.  It is a longer post indeed.

So where to begin

Wrapping up a year that definitely needs to be wrapped up tightly and thrown away, never to be revisited, and with every bit of hope that from here on out good will come

At least for a while

There has been a lot of grieving in 2009

A lot of loss, mostly unexpected, I guess though even if I expected it I still would not be ready (5 dear to my heart people in 6 months is a bit hard to take though)

There has been unnecessary heart ache and a million unanswered questions

There has been a lot of abuse to my heart and body for that matter, sometimes bourbon can turn on you, and maybe I have made some bad judgment calls

Maybe they were not bad calls just that was what the universe was telling me I needed to get through whatever emotional distress I was in at the time- I am sure one day I will have a clearer mind

Ah yes, a clear mind

So much easier to say then to achieve, but I work at it more and more each day and I find that I am proud of myself for pushing forward

This blog has shifted a bit in the past few months and turned into something I always said I would never do, get personal beyond a food level

But sometimes it does feel good to let it out and have a complete stranger give their perspective or just make me see how pathetic it is to linger over the wrong person

I am in a huge life transition and I welcome any of you that are interested and take the time to read

Food still drives me and I will continue to share my experiences and ideas with any whom may be willing to step in my mind for a mere glimpse

 So here we are, it is here, 2010.  That for some reason seems weird to say.  As a kid I can remember thinking that was the year where everyone would be living in spaceships, walking around in spacesuits, and the food would be like it was when Marty Mcfly went into the future. The future was 2010 and now I am living in it. I am happy about the fact we are not in spacesuits and that the food scene just keeps getting better and better.  No hydrate level 4 here!  It is just a world that I am finally learning how to discover and opening my eyes to find the beauty that surrounds us.  Sometimes it is hard to see but it is definitely out there. Keep your eyes and heart open at all times.

 Things that I have realized so far

I still miss a button when buttoning up my shirt—always off

Still start a magazine from the back and move to the front

Still love ice cream although I have cut way way back

Still love to dance in the house where no one can laugh at my awful moves

Still love to listen to phish when I am cooking and usually hum along

Still get excited to smell onions and garlic cooking together

Still could eat bacon at any point in the day and do often (i have a serious love affair with benton’s everything)

Still crave laughter

 Things that are changing

I have stopped hoping/thinking a certain person would surprise me by finding me-don’t peak over my shoulder anymore don’t wait for that late night phone call, giving up on the lobster maybe the theory is not true

I now run outside almost everyday hot or cold- there is so much peace here in the mountains

I am training for my first triathlon-yikes

I am back in a Nissan, a rogue (it is blue of course) I am not sure who I was kidding in that tiny little Jedi

I find sharing oysters and drinking sparkling wine with someone you are interested in far sexier than mussels- I love the briny salty ocean being lifted like a wave from the tiny bubbles of the wine and the soft scent of sweet perfume lingering in the air

I believe in love

I am excited for the future

I am creating fun and tasty new dishes, that brings so much life back into me

I really believe that this will be a great year and I wish the best for everyone.  I start my new job today here in Asheville.  I am the sous chef of a brand new gastro tavern at the Biltmore.  We are in the process of menu testing and development, we have an exclusive line of beer brewed just for us by an incredible local brewery, (Highland Brewery for anyone familiar with this area-it is killer) and we are farming/staying local, the whole yards of nine.  I will write out some menu items next week and would love to hear feed back and would love to hear some of your favorite tavern style foods.  Super stoked about this whole new adventure!!

Have a great new year and thanks for letting me in your minds.  Peace to all as always and remember to laugh and dance like it is no one else’s business!

Prost to the Second (thats for u blakey)

Last night I had a dream that i cut off my hands to finally let you go……

 

Most of the time our happiness is reactive behavior. We let things or people be the cause of our happiness. True happiness has no reason. It’s a choice.

Today, find one reason for joy. And focus on that for the day.-DTU
This is some of my joy touch over the pics for captions

As Christmas is approaching I am getting more and more excited

I am glad I have not lost that feeling you get as a little kid

I love that I get to go home and see my family, eat great food all the live long day

No worries no responsibilities just for a few days

It is a wonderful time of the year, the lights, the music, the friendly greetings and smiles

(I know most are probably fake, but they are still there), the parties the works man!

Oh baby its christmas all over again!

It is a Christmas that will be hard to take due to the loss of so many loved ones, but hopefully we can find peace in their memories and be grateful for the family we still have to enjoy life with

So this year I do not have a tree for the first time in a while-a sad bummer

It is a first for a lot of things I have not done in a long while

I do however have a balsam fir candle which is so awesome

I light it and carry it around like a blankey you had when you were a wee bit

No joke it goes anywhere I go in the house

It smells heavenly and for some reason it makes me want an oversized hot chocolate, thick and rich, a huge mug to wrap my chilled fingers around in order to warm them on up and with, as always, 26 marshmallows-homemade preferably mmmmmmmmm

As I am watching the snow silently fall, flooding all the streets with purity I decided to bundle up with little may on my lap and play around with some menu ideas. Here is what I got let me know what your thinkin

Striped Bass, Cheese Pumpkin “Risotto”, Eggnog, Shaved Brussel Sprout and Pomegranate Salad with Warm Allspice and Pecan Vinaigrette, Crispy Benton’s Country Ham Chip

Eggplant and Chicken Pave, Smoked Mozzarella, Spiced Up Tomato, Garlic Bread Pudding, Wilted Red and Green Romaine

Steak Frittes-Grilled Hanger Steak, A-1 Compound Butter, Creamed Kale, Brandade Tots, Horseradish and Preserved Lemon Aioli

Hickory Smoked Bone in Pork Chop, Maple Mustard, Fennel Kraut, Asian pear, Oyster Mushroom, and Barley Stuffing

Cioppino -Tomato Saffron Consommé, Seared Black Cod, Baby Squid, Smoked Mussels, Butter Poached Shrimp, Razor Clams, Bay Scallops, Herb and Grana Padana Gnudi 

American Caviar Trifle- Champagne Zabaglione, Crème Fraiche Gelee, Paddle Fish Roe, Blini Granola, Crispy Shallots, Chervil

Cherry Mismiss to all!!!!

I stumbled across an article today that made me smile and check my shoes for any remaining bluegrass that has made it to Asheville.  Kentucky did it by taking 1st place in the world for its production of RYE WHISKEY.

 ”The 2010 edition of the Whisky Bible, Britain’s biggest selling whisky book, has named 18-year-old Sazerac Rye from Kentucky as the finest dram available to mankind.”

To all of MANKIND that is so awesome!!!  The article is very informative, and shows what kind of bubble I live in because I did not even know that Japan made whiskey.  I got to get out and drink more.  So in order to celebrate one for my home, even though it is 10:30am here, I raise my glass of Makers Mark in honor of our victory. (unfortunately I did not have any Sazerac to pay my respects properly)

Enjoy the article responsibly.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/news/kentucky-beats-scotch-whisky-in-world-top-10-1831110.html

The Last of the Leaves have slowly made their way down to the damp ground.  A few have become caught in some traps along the way; gutters, windows, roof tops, mail boxes, ect.., but the gusty lungs of the mighty wind man is blowing them out one by one. Yes fall is leaving us (no pun intended) and the short cool gray days of winter are approaching.

Before autumn closes its eyes to hibernate for the next 8 or so months, we celebrate with a fantastic gathering of family, friends, and of course delicious food.

Yes Thanksgiving, one of the greatest gifts I believe we have been passed down from generation to generation.  Giving Thanks for the bounty of the earth, the love and warmth of our families, the hearts and great words of our friends, and of course whatever or whomever you believe in just giving thanks. Appreciating one and another, enjoying and respecting this amazing planet, remembering that we are all in this together. I just love this day, a day to just celebrate life and making are tummies smile.

As I ride my bike home from work at night I find the streets to be calm and quite.  The cool air kisses my cheeks and stings the tops of my ears.  The sky out here is just breath-taking.  It seems so close and crystal clear.  The stars are out dancing and shining their brightest.  I love to see them out and about!  The closer I get to my home I look straight at a mountain that is scattered with polka dotty patterns of dim lights.  Houses tucked neatly in the mountain sides.  It is just a sight of beauty.

On my rides I try to clear my head and focus on the parts of life that make me happy.  Some how or another food always seems to end my thoughts.  Last night I caught a light waft of smokeyness in the air.  The mild tobacco notes lurked in the background and I started thinking of my grandma’s stuffing.

Like everyone elses grandma I do find her stuffing the best.  She makes the broth from the turkey neck and giblets and then adds the usual ingredients.  Then she makes little cakes out of it and fries them to perfection.  They have that crispy seal around them and moist stuffing goodness inside.  I can not open a jar of rubbed sage without seeing her standing over a skillet with a fork flipping the cakes. mmmmmmm

So that is when I decided to try something a bit different but keep the greatness in tact. I would like to confit the turkey legs this year, then make the stuffing, stuff the stuffing with the turkey confit, cut into squares, wrap it in caul fat and sear it off.  Serve it with a molasses and bourbon turkey jus or an orange, cranberry and horseradish compote or hell both. We shall see.

Until then I raise my glass of mulled cider and give thanks for life and all that it entails and I wish to all a very Happy Thanksgiving.  Be Safe!

Peace to all!!!!!

Oh one last thing.  As I was driving back to North Carolina a few weeks ago, I had the previledge to see the sun rise and caught a few shots.  How spectacular it was and I want to share it.  Now this should be another wonderful reason to give thanks.

So it is official, I am in my own place for the first time in my life and I am turning the big 30 in a few days. Vegas celebration soon to follow and I can’t wait!

Change, I can never escape it no matter how hard I try.  Maybe in my 30s I should work towards acceptance.  Clearly not one of my strong suits.

The restaurant is calming down a bit from the hustle and bustle of all the leaf watchers who flooded the streets waiting for that right moment when the reds popped!

Working on a new menu for the early winter season.  I have been given the opportunity to come up with some new hot app ideas. Thought I would list a few and get some feed back of any sorts from my respectable colleges.  I have been trying to stay true to the ingredients and keeping things on a clean line, yet still having a bit of complexity.

Recently I ran a fish special that went over very well.  I thought my good buddy D would have appreciated this one. Fall was definitely in the air.

Pan Seared NC Striped Bass, Vanilla scented Sweet Potato Puree and Crystalized Ginger, Rutabaga Hash (granny smiths, Benton’s bacon, red onions, garlic, swiss chard stems, herbs), Orange Brown Butter, and Cinnamon Pecans w/ brussel leaves for garnish

A few of my apps

Seared Scallops, Benton Bacon and Three Onion Marmalade, Sun Dried Tomato Fondu, Sorrel, Filo Shreds

House Made Merguez Meatballs, Persimmon Chutney, Black Pepper Pecorino, pistachios

Five Spice Dusted Pork Belly, Miso Caramel, Mustard Green and Soynut Relish

Vadouvan and Orange Glazed Laughing Bird Shrimp, Curry Parsnip Puree, Buttered Bread Crumbs

I was thinking of adding some calamari to the meat balls not sure suggestions on all greatly appreciated.

I am slowly getting back into the creative stream and it is feeling good.  It has been a long while and I am enjoying that natural high you get when you start letting your mind go and the words are flying on the paper.  Now I just need to make sense of it all and keep on the right track.

I have started working on a small side project for Asheville and I am finally starting my business plan for my own place.  Maybe my 30s is where it is at yo!

Enjoy the Day in Peace! 

Oh one last thing- Does anyone have a comment on adding something to a dish for the sake of color.  Do you think that all colors should be represented on a dish? Just wondering.

So today use to have three pretty special meanings to me in my life, but as of now this day will only represent my late granddaddy’s birthday and that is it.w

Actually if things were “normal” I would be in Mexico right now for a surprise celebration. Guess the surprise was on me and let me tell you how fun it was getting my money back for that trip.  I do want to thank Mindy for all her help.

This time last year my heart was exploding with what I thought one of the greatest days of my life. I made real promises to a person I thought truly existed, but I was hugely mistaken.

I looked forward to building my life with this person, I had goals and dreams to share and build with the so called “love of my life.”

Memories that I kept right in the center of my heart, guarded so proudly and happily, so ready to share the stories of us with our kids, and to smile and laugh about them together as we grew through our life.

Now these so called memories have left my heart and are stuck in limbo, hovering over me, trapped in a dark stormy cloud, that one by one I am releasing forever.   Like being a child, clutching that thin string tied to the end of a joyful balloon, yet something inside you is yelling let it go.  Your heart races as your grip slowly loosens.  Up, up, up it goes until out of sight out of mind.  OUT OF MIND!

 This I can say has been the hardest part of my life ever.  I have experienced a tremendous amount of lose of some of the most important people in my life, in a very short period of time. Over the past few months I have done a lot of soul searching.  Finding out who I am what I am here for and the never answered question of why. Understanding that it is not just about me.  Trying to figure out why I had to meet this person in the first place.  I was minding my own business, why did I call back?

My family and friends have been unbelievable and I owe them my forever appreciation and heart.  I have found so much strength in hearing my mom laugh, spending a lot of truck time with my dad, watching my niece play soccer, and teaching my other niece how to walk. As well as my little girl Maybel. I can assure you I would not be standing today without them.  I have read some very soul opening books as well on my journey. I  highly recommend them to everyone especially the first one I listed ( The Anatomy of the Spirit, Eat Pray Love, The Shack)

I have traveled to several states and taken in some amazing sights, ate great food, drank until I was definitely merry, met incredible people, found out that going blond does make for some craziness, over indulged in bad reality tv, and had several shoulders to lay my head. My friends and family are heroes for they have soaked up several wasted tears.

What is next on my journey for I can not wait.  I have put the cool lead to the crisp pure white paper and started the rhythmic sounds of the new chapters. I am working at a restaurant called The Market Place in Asheville, NC.  I am also going to be working on a few local farms.  Learning the ropes and preparing for my life long goal.  I am so much closer.

So, I know I am rambling on, but as of today, no more looking in the past.  The great sadness is gone.  Like Marge Simpson says, it’s my time to shine.

Today I am taking back control of my life and my emotions. Rebirth, new outlooks, my life starts today. I realize, like Alice, everything makes sense in a nonsensical way! Even if it causes the ache heart and physical pain.  I WILL BECOME A BETTER PERSON FROM ALL THIS!

We tend to give more importance to chaos than blessings. We think about what we don’t have, not what we do have. Or who doesn’t love us, not who does.

Today, realize what/who you have. Embrace it!

I use to think or I guess I use to believe in the thought of having a soul mate.

Soul mate, in reality is just another fucked up fairy tale, make believe bull shit that means absolutely nothing.

I want to keep the dream alive that no matter what or who or how much time comes between two lobsters, they will always find their way back to each other in the tank.  Yeah Megan, keep that gnawing away at your stomach.  What another fucked up waste of thought.

Reality, the only “fair” I believe in now is that is what you pay to get on a bus. That is a period.

I want to erase all the memories for they were built on lies and false hope. I go through them daily, it is amazing all the littlest things I remember.  Please go away.  I wonder how they were so easy for others to just throw away. Am I that weak?

Where do I go from this point.  How does one trust again, let alone love again?  How does anyone let go? Even when you know how toxic a person can be.

I feel sorry for people who do not know what it is to love.  Who can not trust themselves, let alone look past themselves. How was I so blind I let that slip by?

This place that I am trapped in is very dark and very cold.  Where did my drive, my passion go.  Food, it has always fueled my fire. When will it consume my brain again?

I do not know who reads these lame post that I put out, (sorry, i will make them better soon) but I ask of you to give any advice you have please.  I am putting myself out there, so that I can reclaim myself.

Fuck the lobster, lets eat it.

but…………………

It’s Always A Good Idea to Believe Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast.  That Takes Practice, Too.  And One Should Practice At Least a Half-Hour a Day.  In Fact, Playing Takes Practice. Those Who Haven’t Practice-ed Can’t Play.  They Forgotten-ed!

-Lewis Carroll

 

( Have I??)

 

It my sound pathetic but the lobster will always find you in the tank… you know with the claws….

Patty Griffin-When It Don’t Come Easy :
Red lights are flashing on the highway
I wonder if we’re gonna ever get home
I wonder if we’re gonna ever get home tonight
Everywhere the waters getting rough
Your best intentions may not be enough
I wonder if we’re gonna ever get home tonight

But if you brake down
I’ll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I’ll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don’t come easy

I don’t know nothing except change will come
Year after year what we do is undone
Time keeps moving from a crawl to a run
I wonder if we’re gonna ever get home

You’re out there walking down a highway
And all of the signs got blown away
Sometimes you wonder if you’re walking in the wrong direction

But if you brake down
I’ll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I’ll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don’t come easy

So many things that I had before
That don’t matter to me now
Tonight I cry for the love that I’ve lost
And the love I’ve never found
When the last bird falls
And the last siren sounds
Someone will say what’s been said before
Some love we were looking for

But if you brake down
I’ll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I’ll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don’t come easy